Tough Topics & Talk with Smooth Edges - Self Awareness
PHOTO: Kellie Dougal - Unsplash
Edited by Joanne Berry
Starting this month and continuing through the end of 2020, Wellside Retreats will host a discussion series entitled Tough Topics & Talk with Smooth Edges.
Through this blog, as well as social media programs and individual offerings, we’ll address topics that may cause some to sigh, step back, or even “delete” notifications. I don’t want to rattle anyone, these posts are meant to peel back the layers of what could be stopping you from moving through roadblocks to ultimate self-fulfillment.
It’s hard to forget that we’re currently facing one of the most uncomfortable moments in history. Our personal and professional lives have been disrupted. However, our physical and mental health remain key for us to reveal intimate concerns that are often difficult to face and acknowledge.
You may ask, “What’s the ‘smooth edges’ part?” Well, it’s my way of easing you into mindful discussions centered on sensitivity and an understanding that certain topics may trigger wounds, scars or pain. I’m committed to move through our conversations without judgement, marginalizing or stigmatizing. I will always acknowledge and honor our collective humanity as we travel on our personal journeys.
The new discussion series starts with three broader topics:
Self-Awareness
Relationships
Money/Wealth Building
We’ll start with the first topic: self-awareness. Regardless of the broader topics, our talks remain centered on ultimate self-fulfillment and love.
Self-Awareness
What is self-awareness? Self-awareness is acknowledging one’s feelings, behavior, emotions, traits while also having the capacity for introspection and individuality. The concept seems simple enough however, these days we are not always allowing for personal introspection due to external pressures and stresses that keep us “moving and shaking” for diverse reasons.
Caregivers are overwhelmed now more than ever. We work demanding jobs to provide for ourselves and families. These hamster wheels keep us busy and not focused on our own individual needs. Instead, we unconsciously hide, avoid or dress up any pain, trauma and grief. We rather continue moving on a spinning wheel, weighted down and uncomfortable with material rewards, and not face our concerns. The external picture of “fabulousness” camouflages any true emotions. And if that’s not enough, some of us start believing in the imagery.
Are You Telling Yourself the Truth?
How can we move forward? As we start the work towards self-awareness, I’d like you to keep this question in the mind: “Are you telling yourself your truth?” To cultivate a practice of self-awareness, we need to be honest with ourselves and face any emotional bypassing, hiding and dishonesty.
As a friend of mine asked me, “What is the benefit of holding on to the weight you continue to avoid addressing?” This is a truth that I know all too well that needs to be addressed and have bypassed it.
By facing our truth, we step off the hamster wheel. We get on the path to living in our truth and facing the uncomfortable stuff that hold us back. It’s my belief that beauty radiates from the inside out, and self-awareness and self-love can move us from dark places to emotional strength and brighter living.
Sharing My Truth
“Kathy, you’re an enabler and a fixer.” This was one of my most conflicting truths I had to face. For so long, I avoided being honest with myself.
My personal journey of self-awareness began with realizing that my “avoidance habit” was dressed up with the concern for family. I was a super-human that could do everything and fix everyone’s problems while “maintaining” a career. I was educated and worked hard to achieve career goals while nurturing my immediate family and caring for extended family members. I developed such a habit of overextending care, and over time, others expected my care…indefinitely.
After years of caring for others, I stopped caring for myself and my priorities. Even though “my extended care for others” was causing problems for myself and my immediate family, I avoided being honest with myself. Lacking self-awareness, I became overwhelmed, doubtful, sad, guilty and physically unhealthy. Anxiety and depression became constant companions.
When I began looking at how unhappy the people I was caring for were after exhausting attempts to continually please, I started looking closer at myself and asking serious questions:
“Why am I feeling so exhausted?”
“Why don't I see any relief?”
“When will I stop having to care for so many?”
“Why?”
My reflective thoughts and answers to “Why?” yielded a flurry of responses:
“Kathy, you’re an enabler and fixer.”
“You’ve done this all of your life because that was the assignment given to you at a young age.”
“You’ve been celebrated for enabling people, trying to fix their problems and tell them what to do and how to do it.”
“Kathy, you can’t control anyone else’s behavior, choices and problems.”
“You are not responsible for making anyone happy except yourself.
“It’s now time for you to learn boundaries, get rid of any guilt and get on with making yourself whole and happy.”
After sitting down and telling myself, my own truths; my practice of self-awareness began without me even realizing, until full reflection. This soon became an intentional practice and the beginning of a life filled with major transformations, packed with self-fulfillment and wellness.
Supporting Your Self-Awareness Practice
I want to support you on the practice of self-awareness. Let me start by offering these suggestions:
Meditate and have reflective thought
Spend time alone
Retreat, activate, and expand your mind by walking in nature, practicing yoga, running, dancing (or a desired form of movement)
In your self-awareness practice, it is important to focus on honesty, love and kindness of yourself, accept where you are at the moment no matter what comes up as you reflect. Choose what is best for you over time and the best route to get to that ultimate place of happiness. A transformative life of self-fulfillment and self-care awaits.
Check in for more Tough Topics & Talk with Smooth Edges. In the meantime. . .
Be well.
~ Kathy
Kathy A Hampton, Founder of Wellside Retreats, Transformational Destination Retreat & Life Coaching Services